Sex Doll Sasuke
by Hiromi Not To Shabby
Summary: Naruto just can't seem to get it 'up' anymore. He's been from porn to prostitutes but nothing works. Maybe the new line of sex dolls can grab his attention.
1. Chapter 1

_**NaruSasu fanfic**_

_**A/N: Hey guys Hiromi here with a brand new story. ^-^ Bet you're all super excited lol...No? Ohwell...TT^TT you guys made me cry...Meanies! Yeah I've had this story planned out since I started "Teach Me To Love" So hopefully this story will do as good as that one did. You guys stuck with through thick and thin so I'm just trying to repay the favour by bringing you delicious yaoi....Hope you guys like it! xD**_

_**Summary: Naruto just can't seem to get it "up" anymore. He's been from porn to prostitutes but nothing works. Maybe the new range of sex dolls can get the job done.**_

_**Warnings: Yaoi, Masturbation, sex doll use and swearing.**_

_**Pairings: NaruSasu, ItaKyuu, slight NaruGaa & NaruIno, KibaHina, SasoDei, KakaIru (Maybe more haven't decided yet)**_

_**Note: Naruto (19) Sasuke (19) **_

_**Title: Sex Doll Sasuke**_

*~ Normal Pov ~*

In this normal little village of Konoha the normal villagers were going about their normal daily business.

"But I'm not normal!" Well all but one of the villagers were normal. Naruto Uzumaki, nineteen years young and currently sitting in one Sakura Haruno's doctors office.

Sakura sighed and looked at the bright blond with a look that clearly showed they were getting no where. "Naruto, this is completely normal. Many people suffer from it." She consoled. Naruto looked frustrated. He had all but lost the will to live. "Sakura not many nineteen year olds can't get _it _'up'!" He protested. Sakura was at her wits end. She had to cancel all of her previous appointments because of her paranoid friend. "Find something that gets you....Ahem..Excited and work from there. Now if you don't mind I have other patients, with real problems, to attend to." She shood him out of her office before he could argue, and knowing Naruto, he would.

*~ Naruto Pov ~*

Damn it! What am I going to do now?! What you don't know what's wrong? Would you like to know? Oh I'll tell you what's wrong! This is what's wrong!.....What you don't see me pointing? Look closer. Yes I'm pointing at my clothed penis. What's wrong with it you ask? Well let me tell you the story.

It all started when I was 13. So what if I was a late bloomer? Don't call me names! Anyway, Most of my friends used to tell exciting stories about how they had this really hot chick in their dreams and when the woke up there would be a white sticky mess on their sheets. We didn't know what it was at first but we were all curious to know. That's when one of our school teachers, Iruka Umino, decided that it was time for Sex Ed.

*~ Flashback to Sex Ed class ~*

"Okay settle down class. Now we've brought in a specialist in these types of things so I'm just going to hand it over to him. Remember to be polite and raise your hand if you have a question." settled in at the teachers desk to mark papers and stay out of whoever was teachings' way. A silver headed man stood at the front of the one of his eyes were visible and most if his face was covered by a mask. Weird guy.

"Hello class, I'm Kakashi Hatake. I'm here to teach you about the wonders of sex!" He proclaimed happily. coughed behind as if in warning. "I'm also teaching you about the dangers and the precautions of sex." He added hastily. He clapped his hands together and his visible eye curved up as if he were smiling under the mask. "Now since the girls aren't here lets start with this." He pulled out a large piece of laminated cars. The back was facing us so we couldn't see it.

"Now what do boys have that girls don't?" asked. Many of the boys raised their hands. I didn't, I knew the answer of course but that guy just seemed weird and I wanted to have as little conversation with him as possible. He pointed to a boy in the back. "Yes you, the one with the fuzzy brown hair." The boy, Kiba Inuzuka put his hand back down and spoke. "Guys have a dick and girls have a pussy." He smiled, proud of his answer. spluttered behind the desk and his face was bright red. "No, no young man. Men have a penis and girls have a vagina." corrected. "But my brother-." Kiba started but cut him off. "Is your brother teaching this class?" He asked. "Well no bu-." Kiba was once again cut off. "Exactly. So the terms we use are penis and vagina. Okay?" Everyone nodded.

flipped the peice of card around. "This gentlemen is a penis. I'm sure you've all saw one, hopefully only your own." He joked. Most of the boys didn't look at the picture from sheer embarassment of the subject. "Now the penis is a marvelous thing. You pee from it, you get pleasure from it and you make babies from it." put the card back down but we could all still see the picture. "Now, when a man gets excited, sexually, his penis will become erect. This is when blood fills the penis, making it 'stand to attention' if you will. When and if you get an erection there are several ways of dealing with it.

One: Masturbation.

Masturbation is a simple form of release and is usually done alone, although it doesn't need to be. There are many forms of masturbation but the common one is touching ones self. You could do it watching porn and such like.

Two: Sexual intercourse.

Sexual intercourse is when a man and a woman join together in the throws of passion. The man, that's you guys, will excite your partner and vice versa and when the time comes you will put your erect penis into the womans vagina. Only if it's consensual, if it's not, that's called rape and you can be arrested and jailed for it.

Three: Cold shower

Cold shower are mostly for men who don't like and or want to masturbate or those of which that don't have a girlfriend and or boyfriend. Cold showers will cool your body down until such a point where your erection dies down.

"Any questions?" asked with that weird curved eye again. Some boys asked questions about what to do when your having sex. One boy, Sai I think his name was, asked about 's earlier comment. "You said girlfriend and or boyfriend, Does that mean guys can have sex with guys and girls can do it with girls?" Many of the boys gave grunted comments like "Why would two guys do it?" He raised a hand to silence them.

"Could I have your assisstance for a second please?" looked confused but stood and walked to the front of the class anyway. took a hold of his arm and pulled him so that the were almost touching. "You ask how two men can do it? Here's your answer." With that said and done he pulled down his mask and took a very confused looking in for a kiss. Nearly everyone in the class gasped. I looked on in wonderment, I didn't find it weird for two guys to kiss, my older brother was with a man anyway.

was thumping 's chest, trying to get away but just held him tighter and closer. It was a couple of minutes before pulled away and fixed his mask. "That's how two men can do it. I'm obviously not going to show you the _main event, _unless is willing." looked like he was going to faint, he was holding the desk in a death grip. went on to teach us about protection and how to use it properly. He also showed us horrible pictures of diseases that we could get if we didn't use said protection.

By the end of the day we knew nearly all you needed to know about the world of sex. I'm going home to try something. This masturbation thing sounds like fun!

*~ End flashback ~*

Trust me it was fun, while it happened anyway. Now my little soldier won't jump for the biggest pair of jugs or the thickest of cocks, yes I'm bi. So now I'm depressed but I'm on a mission to find something that will get me hard again....Wow look at the size of those bad boys!(1)

.......Damn penis.

_**(1) A woman's boobs...Duh**_

_**Well first chapter done, I honestly think I did quite well *Totally proud of myself* And of course you know me there's gonna be humor, there always is...¬_¬ Hope you like the first chapter and stick around for more!**_

_**~Hiromi**_


	2. The Video

_**A/N: Hey guys.....Finally a second chapter to this story...Hehe I swear I'm gonna finish this one and 'Starting To Rekindle' Promise! xD Anyway since I can't think of anything else to say here, lets just get started shall we?**_

_**Hope you all like it 3**_

_**Disclaimer: Bitch please....¬_¬**_

_**Chapter 2: The Video**_

_***Naruto Pov***_

"Work, work, work...Work god dammit!" I yelled at my computer. The stupid thing wouldn't let me on the internet.

Damn you Google!

How am I supposed to watch porn now?! I'm far too embarassed to go into a shifty DVD store.

Okay I'll try one more time and if it doen't work then so help me I will smash this computer into so many pieces not even that ninja from that show I wacthed one time would beleive it!

_"Sorry there seems to be something wrong with your connection. The page you have chosen can not be shown at this time. Check your connection and try again later."_

"Aaaaahhhhh!" I screamed in pure frustration. I'm a man of my word so computer, get ready for a world of hurt. I smashed my fists onto the keyboard multiple times. Laughing manically everytime a vowel or constinent went flying past my head. The monitor was next. I picked up the already destroyed keyboard and began to pummel it into the screen, which was still telling me that I couldn't get on the internet, which all in all just made the whole thing sweeter.

The hardrive was the last to suffer. I pulled it from the desk, not caring that the plugs had ripped straight form the sockets. I placed it in the middle of my bedroom floor, took a couple of steps back, ran and kicked the thing to the other side of the room. Chips other electronical computer junked spilled form the battered machine and scattered all over the place.

"That'll teach you! Nobody denies Uzumaki Naruto porn dattebayo!" I grinned in satisfactory victory. Still feeling a little hyped up from my rampage, I stormed out of my bedroom and headed for the kitchen, ramen always calmed me down. As I was walking down the hallway, totally minding my own business and not peeping out of the window to see if the hot chick across the way was scantliy dressed, I tripped and fell to the, seriously needing sweeped, hardwood floor.

"Son of a bitch!" I looked around to find the culprit. There, lying inncoently enough on the floor was a cable. "Where the hell did that come from?" I mumbled. I followed the cable and found that it was attached to the phone. Well if the phone wasn't connected then....The internet...Wouldn't have been......Connected either........."God fucking dammit!!!! That's it! I've had enough!" I forgot about getting ramen and stormed over to get my jacket, not caring that I didn't even have a shirt on and was still in my pyjama pants, put it on and left my apartment.

*20 minutes later*

"Should have put a jacket on." I shivvered as I walked up the steps to my brother Kyuubi's and his boyfriends house. I knocked on the door, muttering for him to hurry up because I was freezing my ass off out here. The door opened and Kyuubi stood there with a suprised look on his face but let me in none the less.

"What'cha doing here Naru-Chan?" He asked. I glared at the 'Chan' comment but with the way my dick troubles are going I might aswell be a chick. I kicked off my shoes and made myself comfortable on his plush leather couch.

"Oh well you know, I was just in the neighbourhood, though I'd come visit, see if you had any videos I could borrow." I smiled nervously.

"Of course I have videos! Have you seen my collection?" I rolled my eyes. Who hasn't seen Kyuubi's ultimate collection of every single Disney film?

"Not those kind of videos Kyuu." I mumbled. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion before shooting up in uderstanding. He grinned madly and then began laughing.

"Aww is my little brother wanting to borrow porn? How cute!" I glared but said nothing. "Well the only videos like that I own are ones of me and Itachi-"

"Ew! Ugh! Don't even go there!"

"But I'm prtty sure I still have one that Itachi hasn't taped over yet, wait here." He ordered and with that he left the living room in search of this tape. I sat there, tapping my foot impatiently until Kyuubi returned. The video he had in his hands was all dusty, certainly looked as though it hadn't been watched in a long, long, long time. "This was one of my favourties, so I know you'll like it." He smiled. I thankd him and tucked the video into my, thankfully, large pockets. "You wanna stay for dinner? Itachi should be home-"

"No! No that's okay! I'm just gonna go home and well...Y'know." I tapped the pocket in which the video lay. He giggled, winked and sent me out the door. I smiled despite of myself, time to go home and watch some porn.

*45 minutes later*

I was all set up on my living room couch, video in the machine, thank god I'm one of the old school people who think DVD machines are evil, and a box of tissues next to me incase everything goes as planned. I had gotten rid of my pyjama pants and now sat in my boxers. The surround sound was all set up, thank you Pannasonic. I snuggled up and made myself comfortable and pressed play.

The film started showing a busty blonde female in the shower. I felt little Naru twitch down stairs, so I let him out to have a look around. I only pulled my boxers down far enough so that my barely hard cock and my desperately needing emptied balls, showed.

All of a sudden there was a well built guy in the sower with her, then began the kissing and all kinds of groping.

I wish a hot chick or dude would come in to the bathroom while I'm showering but all I've got is that freaky black bird that sits on the windowledge and watches me.(1)

I let my right hand travel to my now half hard cock and stroked it lightly and slowly. I closed my eyes and let the sound of moaning flow through the surround sound and straight to my groin. When I opened my eyes the screen was just white noise. I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance but continued stroking myself, thinking that the video was just old and would continue shortly. I closed my eyes again, remembering the image of that bulky guy fondelling the girls breats.

_"Ooo~ 'Tachi, harder!"_

My eyes snapped open and stared in horrer at the screen. A sweaty Uzumaki Kyuubi was getting pounded from behing by his boyfriend Uchiha Itachi.

"Oh hell no!" I yelled. I srambled up the remote in my trembling hands and tried desperately to turn the damn thing off. It didn't work so my next option was to throw the remote at the T.V in hopes of breaking it and getting rid of that horrible image.(2) So I threw it and the remote, much to my dissmay, bounced staright off the flat screen and landed on the other side of the room.

_"Oooh yeah Kyuu, you like that huh?"_

I covered my ears with my hands and jumped over the back of the couch. Unfortunately the surround sound system still allowed all the moans, grunts and groans echo into my ears.

"Oh god! Make it stop! make it stop!" I yelled as loud as I could. That's when I heard a thumping on my front door.

"Naruto?! Dude are you okay?! Fuck it! I'm coming in!" Next thing I knew was my front door hanging from it's hinges and my best friend/neighbour Inuzuka Kiba staring at the screen with the same horrer that was on my face. "Holy shit dude! Is that your brother?!" He exclaimed.

"Just find the fucking remote dog breath!" I screamed.

***Kiba Pov***

Okay, okay, find the remote, find the remote. That was my inner chant. I located the remote at the other end of the room. How it got over there I'll ask later but right now I scrunched my eyes shut and pressed what I thought was the 'Off' button.

_"'Tachi! So good~!"_

"That's the volume button you moron!" Naruto yelled. Oh fuck it! I threw the remote at the T.V but the damn thing just bounced right off.

"I've already tried that!!" I dived behind the couch beside Naruto and covered my eyes, scrunched my eyes hut and yelled on the only person left to help in a situation such as this.

"Hinata! For the love of god help us!!" Hinata was there in two seconds flat.

"N-Naruto, is t-that your brother?!" She stuttered.

"Yes now turn it off please! For the love of all things rameny turn it off!" Naruto cried. Hinata walked calmly over to the remote and pressed the off button. The sounds stopped and Naruto and I sighed in releif.

***Naruto Pov***

"Oh Hinata, thank you!" I hugged her tight.

"Hey! I helped too!" Kiba interjected. I nodded and walked over to him. I punched him, hard, in the arm. "Ow! What the fuck dude?"

"Oh geez Kiba.....I totally....Meant to do that." I glared.

"What the fuck did I do?!" He yelled.

"Just look at my fucking door!" I pointed to my poor broken door.

"I was trying to save you fox face!" Hinata put a comfortaing hand on Kiba's shoulder and whispered something in his ear while blushing bright red. Kiba chuckled. "Uh dude? Your dicks hanging out." He began laughing his ass off. I blushed and tucked myself back in. Thatw as the closest I've gotten to a full erection in months and it's all gone because of that stupid brother of mine.

Just you wait Kyuubi, I'll be giving you one hell of a talking too tomorrow.

_**There you go! Chapter 2 yayz! I've wrote this chapter like 8 times but this one was my favourite so this is the one you guys get ^^ I'll try upload everyday like I normally do but we'll just wait and see ne?**_

_**~Hiromi**_


	3. Brothers And Men Playing With Dolls

_**A/N: Oh my gosh guys you wouldn't beleive how sorry I am! I know it's been a while since I last updated but honestly it wasn't my fault!...Okay maybe it was...But that's not the pont! The point is, I'm back! x3**_

_**Disclaimer: You made me lol ^-^**_

_**Chapter: Brothers and men playing with dolls**_

_***Normal Pov***_

"Naruto? Who did _that_ to your face?" Kyuubi gawked at the bruise covered cheeks, the black eye and the busted lip adorning his little brothers face. Naruto glared as best he could with his black eye without it causing him too much pain.

"_You're _what happened. You and your damn sex tape!" Naruto stomped his foot much like a five year old child would do when the older sibling wouldn't give back his favourite fire truck. Hell, Naruto was almost tempted to say 'I'll tell mom' but wisely decided against it. He didn't need his mother knowing that he wanted to watch porn and his brother had filmed his own personal collection.

"H-how was this my fault?" Kyuubi asked outraged.

"Well for starters, that video you gave me? Yeah, another one of your twisted sex tapes of you and Itachi. Second, I couldn't turn the damn thing off thanks to the shoddy television that _you _sold me. Thirdly, since I couldn't trun it off Kiba came barraling in, knocking down my door. He couldn't turn it off either so Hinata came in and finally suceeded in turning it off-." Kyuubi cut his little brother's explanation off.

"Wait, so if Hinata turned it off then why are you covered in bruises?" The elder asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Well if you let me finish. Anyway, Hinata saw my dick, Kiba laughed, I punched him, he punched me etc, etc. Now I'm done." Naruto nodded in self satisfaction for the awesome tale of heroics on his part.

Kyuubi stared and stared and stared some more. He really hoped his brother didn't get his story telling _expertise _from listening to his high school tales all those years ago. Shaking his head to get rid of the horrible memories of his teenage years an idea suddenly clicked in his head.

To say Naruto was a little confused when his brother's face lit up like a firework on the fourth of july, snapped his fingers and bolted into another room was an understatement. He heard rummaging followed by plenty of colourful cursewords before his brother came back with a rumpled up leaflet in his hand and a giant grin on his face.

"This. This is the answer to all of your problems." Kyuubi smiled, his unusually large canines flashing in the light. He held the rumpled leaflet up, a couple of millimetres form Naruto's squinting blue eyes.

Naruto frowned and took the paper from Kyuubi's hands and held it at a proper distance from his face so that he could actually see the thing properly without it poking him in the eye.

The leaflet was small, it fit in his hand perfectly. It was orange and blue in colour with bold, black text.

**'Exciting new toy! A new outlet for stress and desires!'**

Naruto raised an eyebrow, thoroughly captivated and urged to continue reading.

...

Wait.

Forgoet the writing! The picture. The picture is what's caught Naruto's keen eye. An image so beautiful, strong, charming and down right sexy! A pale, lean, raven haired being posed sexily on the centre of the page. Drak hair falling over equally dark half lidded eyes. The man, who looked more like a boy in Naruto's mind, was naked but no private parts were being shown. Only a slim but firm waist and powerful looking legs.

What was this?

**'New range of sex doll'**

Sex doll? But...It looked so real, Naruto thought it was a real boy! Wow...It looked so life like. Naruto had to admit that he was pretty aroused just from looking at this small, palm sized picture. Considering how good the doll looked he probably couldn't afford it. Naruto sighed and placed the leaflet on the coffee table picture side down so that he didn't have to be reminded of something he couldn't have.

"What's up?" Kyuubi asked, a little concerned due to his little brothers saddened face.

Naruto waved a hand indigintly in the direction of the coffee table. His head hanging which in turn made his spiky blonde bangs cover his depressed eyes.

"I can't afford this! Besides, men don't play with dolls." He huffed. Naruto was right, what kind of boy...Uh...Man, because that's what he was...A man that is, plays with dolls? Imagine what Kiba would say if he found out that Naruto had a doll? Sure it was a sex doll but...Dolls are for girls!

"You can always make money somehow. Maybe actually going to your job?" Kyuubi hinted. Naruto had been skipping work for days at a time ever since his little problem arose, or _didn't _more like. "How much is it anyway?" Kyuubi asked picking the laflet back off of the table to have a look. "Hmm, it doesn't say. It just gives you the shops address. Here, take the leaflet and visit the shop tomorrw." He smiled encouragingly.

Naruto nodded dully, really suspecting that Kyuubi just wanted him out of his house because and Itachi would be home soon. He slipped on his shoes and jacket, bidding hid brother goodnight, Naruto left for home.

_**Not as long as I wanted but I wanted to start the next chapter off just right 3 Hope you guys are still interested, I've been getting alot of favourites and alerts so I'm rather happy about it =D I will Update quickly, I promise :D**_

_**~Hiromi over and out**_


	4. The factory

_**A/N: How's this for a fast update Houseki-Chibi? Oh yeah, now you can't yell at me anymore ^-^ Well...You can...But it'd be really nice to me and (My brain) If you didn't lol.**_

_**Disclaimer: I dream of a world filled with people eating rainbows and pooping butterflies, I don't own anyhing.**_

_**Chapter 4: The Factory**_

_***Naruto Pov***_

Breakfast was dull this morning. Even the smell of my ramen didn't make my nostrils sing like it usually did. Today was the day that I go to **'Fantasy Raven'** The shop that manufactured and sold the sex doll _extradanaire_ that I wanted but couldn't afford.

I dumped my chopsticks in to my homemade bowl of ramen, I prefer homemade to instant. I dragged myself to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, figuring a shower could wait until later.

_***165 Konoha Industrial Estate***_

Finding Fantasy Raven was difficult considering the sheer size of the industrial estate but I found it in the end.

The bell dinged above my head as I opened the door to the building, it was just like a doctor's waiting room, beige carpets, grey walla and a row of uncomfortable looking chairs.

"Hello Fantasy Raven, how can I help?" I jumped at the little sweet voice. I turned around to the reception desk that I hadn't noticed before.

"Uh...Yeah, hey. I was wondering if I could speak t-" She held up a hand to silence me. She moved the blond bang that covered the right side od her face to reveal a handsfree headset nestled in her ear. She smiled kindly at my apologetic expression. Her name tag read 'Ino'. In opointed to a door to my left and mouthed 'Just go through' and continued on with her phone conversation.

I walked over to the door after silently thanking Ino. I knocked softly and entered when I heard a 'Come in' mumbled through the door. It was an office, quite small but not too small. A dark mahogany desk sat neasrest the window, bookcases lined the walls, so whoever owned the office was either well read or trying to make it seem that they were.

"Can I help you?" For the second time that day the close voice caused me to jump. I turned to face a tall, pale man. He looked almost sickly. He had long shiny black hair.

"Hey! I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I saw your leaflet and you know...I was...Uh...Interested." I smiled nervously. The man giggled and ushered me through a door at the far right side of the room, behind the desk.

"My names Orochimaru, some people call me Sensei. I started Fantasy Raven a few years back. As you may have noticed, I'm not the best looking guy, no matter how much my butt kissing assisstant, Kabuto, dissagrees. I couldn't get any girl...Or guy. So I wantd to create the perfect person that would be there when I woke up and when I fell asleep. Someone that wouldn't...Couldn't judge me on my looks. Also someone who wouldn't talk back or nag at me."

Orochimaru laughed at his little joke. I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly, an old habbit that I got when I was slightly uncomfortable. I mean Orochimaru seems like a nice man, don't get me wrong. But...He also seemed like a closet control freak.

We were walking down a long hallway, people wearing overalls passed us. Just where was he taking me? We came up to a set of double swinging doors and walked through them and onto a giant factory floor. I didn't think the place was this big! I looked around and saw all the workers standing at conveyer belts assembling the doll.

Ass's, heads and all sorts of other limbs were all being joined together to make the final prduct. The absoloute perfect sex doll. I stared in aw as the finished doll was taken off the belt and ready for inspeaction. The doll looked even better in real life than it did on the leaflet. I have to admit that little Naruto was starting to stir a little.

Orochimaru lead me over to the man that was inspecting one of the dolls.

"This is Hatake Kakashi, senior inspector." I nodded a hello but I couldn't take my eyes off of the doll.

"Beauty ain't he?" Kakashi's only visible eye, since the other was covered by a patch, curved upwards. I couldn't tell if he was smiling or had trapped gas because his mouth was covered by a mask. I nodded in answer to his question.

"What makes it so special though?" I asked. Kakashi and Orochimaru laughed. Had I missed something?

"Well just look at the detail in the design, he looks real doesn't he? This is the leading sex doll at the moment. You can place it's limbs in any posistion you want instead of the old fashioned 'just lay there' models. He moans when certain _parts_ on his body are touched. he even gets erections and cums, although you have to keep filling him up if you know what I mean." Kakashi explained.

"Yeah that all sounds good but I still can't afford it." I sighed degectedly. I stuffed my ands in my pockets and slumped my shoulders.

"Naruto." Orochimaru started. I looked up at him, a sign for him to continue. "You seem like a nice young, the nicest I've met in a long time. You've got the energy and spirit. So I'll give you one of the dolls for free...Let's call it product testing." He smiled. My face lit up and I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Are you being serious?" I asked. Orochimaru nodded and I took my hands from my pockets and wrapped my arms around him in a grateful, bone crushing hug. He didn't even smel like old people! "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I chanted over and over. I took my arms from him and let him breath once again. I swiped my eyes over the dolls form.

_'Finally'_

_**Ta-da? Good? Bad?**__**Or just a down right waste of my time? In my opinion I'd say that this was one of my best chapters xD I'll update soon (Houseki-Chibi, I'm looking at you) So be patient (Again, Houseki-Chibi) Ja!**_

_**~Hiromi over and out**_


	5. The Delivery

_**A/N: Hey guys! Another quick update (Houseki-Chibi) Thanks for all the great reviews! Really, None of the stories on this site would be anything if it wasn't for the reviwes you give ^-^ You guys are just swell!...Omg...I just said swell...How neat!**_

_**Disclaimer: Watching things cook in the oven makes me laugh, I don't own anything.**_

_**Chapter 5: The Delivery**_

_***Normal Pov***_

_BEEP BEEP BEEP-_

Naruto pressed the snooze button in his alarm clock. The red digital numbers read '6:00AM'. Naruto had been awake since an hour before hand, haven been too excited to sleep any longer. He had showered, extra thoroughly. He had even made a start on cleaning his apartment.

Today, Thursday the seventeenth of June, was the day the he, Uzumaki Naruto, would receive his _free _sex doll.

He felt five again, as if it was christmas morning and he _coudn't wait_ to see if Santa had brought him the rocket ship, a _rocket _ship that he had behaved all year for.

The doll wasn't expected to be delivered until between twelve and two in the afternoon. You can't blame him for being excited about the only thing to make his cock twitch in months!

_***2 Hours Later***_

Naruto had been through _four _bowls of ramen. Earliers excitement had ebbed away into a tingling boredom. The time was only '8:14AM'. He had cleaned every single inch of his apartment. He had even taken a second shower just to pass a little bit of time. Maybe it wouldn't be _too_ bad if he fell asleep for a little while? Nodding to himself deciding that it was indeed a good idea he kicked his jeans and shirt off since it was far too hot to sleep with them on. He climbed onto his double bed and pulled up the dark blue covers, no, they were not orange.

*_**? Later***_

Naruto blearily opened his eyes, he had such a nice dream.

Did the room look darker or was it just his imagination? He rubbed his eyes a little to get rid of the sleepy dust and looked at his alarm clock.

'5:16PM'

...

"Shit!" He scrambled out of bed, not caring that he was onlt in his boxers and socks, and bolted for the door. Maybe the delivery people had left outside his door, no-one would steal it surely. Or maybe they hadn't come yet, maybe they were late? Yeah, they had to be late, there was no way he had missed it.

He opened the door to his appartment and saw that there was no sex doll no package out in the hallway. Okay so the late excuse was still in play although the shaking in his hands contradicted the idea completely. He was just about to step back inside when he noticed a small red card in front of his door. He picked it up and read it.

**'Attempted delivery.**

**We tried to deliver your package but no-one was home.**

**You can pick your package up at the local post office pick up point between 9AM and 5PM Monday-Friday.**

**Thank you for choosing Parcel Force. Have a nice day.'**

Naruto's hand squeezed the little note until it was a crumpled mess in the palm of his hand. He couldn't pick it up tomorrow since it was Sunday and Monday was a bank holiday so that was out of the question too.

"God dammit! Stupid fuckin-"

"Keep it down!" He heard Kiba hollar from his apartment across the way. The door opened and an agry, half dressed Kiba appeared. "Just because you're not getting any doesn't mean to say that you have to dissrupt other people!"

"Dude, I'm sorry I interrupted you and Hinata's _crazy sex _but I'm having a dilema!" Naruto slumped down to the floor in defeat.

"A dilema? Come in Naruto, let's see if we can help?" A quiet Hinata said from behind Kiba, atleast she had the decensy to put a gown on. Naruto stood slowly, closed the door to his apartment and entered Hinata's and an angry looking Kiba's apartment.

"So what's up?" Kiba asked, totally unenthuastic to the idea of having his best friend/personal pain in the ass interrupt his sex, which he only got twice a week!

"Something was meant to be delivered to my place today but I fell asleep and missed it." Naruto explained with a sullen look on his face. Hinata raised an eyebrow, she was missing sex for this? This wasn't a real problem.

Kiba saw the look on Hinata's face and decided it was time for his depressed blond friend to leave. He practically threw Naruto out the door and back into his own apartment.

Naruto could hear the makings of his best friends sexlife through the paper thin walls. He wept, no literally, he cried over his own misfortune with Kiba's and Hinata's moans as his background music.

_**Okay not as quick as the last one but still! Gimme a break (Houseki-Chibi...Yes I will continue doing that until she stops yelling at me) So how do you guys like it so far? I've been getting fantastic reviews so thanks to all the magical, colourful people who did review and even thank you if you've just favourited or alerted my story, it's the thought that counts ne?**_

_**~Hiromi over and out**_


	6. The Delivery Take Two

_**A/N: Haha quick update :P I told you, I'm on a roll xD Best beleive I'm back in the game, although naturally I lose at most games I think I'm a competetor at least in this one lol**_

_**Disclaimer: Wow, look, paint drying :D I don't own anything**_

_**Chapter 6: The Delivery Take Two**_

_***Naruto Pov***_

Okay it was 8:58AM, I had a great night sleep and the post office opened in two minutes. I_ was_ getting that sex doll and I as getting it _today_.

I put on my Ecko Red trainers, I was jogging to the post office, might aswell get some excercise while also getting there a little quicker. I grabbed my keys and locked my door. I decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. You never know, today could be the day that the elevator breaks or spontainiously burts into flames. I was _not_ taking that chance. I waved goodbye to Ten-Ten at the front desk, who didn't look up from her fashion magazine to wave back.

Konoha was bright but not so cheery this early on a Tuesday morning. The sun was beating down brilliantly. Thank goodness I hadn't bothered to put on a jumper. I, instead opted for my 'I'm _UP _For It' Shirt. Which was Ironic since I _wasn't up_ for anything. Well...Not me personally but...Yeah, you get the idea.

I made sure my headphones were settled comforably in my ears and pressed play on my silver Ipod, again not everything I own is orange, sure it's a great colour but there is a limit people! I nearly moaned in pure delight as Three Days Grace began blasting in my ears.

I started off my jog to the post office, which was only ten minutes away from my place. I waved or nodded to the few poeple I passed.

The post office came into view. I refuse to admit that I sped up because I was excited, rather that I was racing the old lady in front of me, even if she didn't know it. I removed my headphones as I entered the -filled to the brim with old people- post office. I stepped to the back of the long and slow moving que.

"Can I have it? Please?" I heard the woman at the first window ask.

"For the last time, no, I am not giving you your pension."The worker replied deeply.

"Fine, be that way." The old woman huffed and stormed away muttering about 'young-ins these days'.

"Godbye grandmother." The worker called out with an evil smirk on his face. That old lady was his grandmother and he wouldn't give her the pension? Sadistic much?

I moved to the window and saw that the worker had to be about my age with blood red hair and light emerald eyes that were loutlined by a thick layer of eye liner...Sorry, _guy liner_.

"How can I help you or are you just going to stare? Although you are welcome to see more if you like." The guy said cheekily. Don't get me wrong the guy...

**'Postal worker-Gaara'**

_Gaara _was pretty sexy but I was only here to pick up my package.

"Ahaha, uh...Sounds good but I'm just here to pick up a package." I rubbed the back of my neck much like I did when I was in Orochimaru's presense.

"It isn't here." Gaara said quickly with a aglare.

"...Excuse me? What do you-" I was cut off as Gaara pulled down the little blind that red 'Position closed'. He excited the seperate room and walked straight past me and put the door.

I was not going down without a fight so I followed him. I didn't have to go far since he was sitting on a bench a few meteres away from the post office smoking a cigarette. I walked up to and took the seat next to him.

"So what do you mean my package isn't there?" I asked angrily with my arms folded over my chest.

"I _mean _it isn't there. Now, I'm on break so unless you're inviting me back to your place, shut up." I stared wide eyed at him. Was this guy for real?

_'Well...He is pretty hot and my doll isn't here so...' _

"Hey _Gaara_, you wanna come back to mine?" I whispered in my best bedroom voice. Gaara pung away his still burning cigarette and stood. Had I said something wrong?

"Are you coming or not...?"

"Naruto." I supplied helpfully. I stood aswell with a smile as I lead us back to my apartment.

Penis don't let me down now!

_**That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh x3**_

_**~Hiromi over and out**_


	7. Gaara & A Picky Penis

_**A/N: Aloha! Been a while? Yes. Sorry, I know, I suck. -.-"**_

_**Disclaimer: *¬* Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...(You do the math)**_

_**Chapter 7: Gaara & A Picky Penis**_

_***Normal Pov***_

Naruto's whole body shook, whether it be from the fear, nerves or the fact that he had Gaara, the postal worker he had met not fifteen minutes ago breathing down his neck and fumbling with his jogging pants? Maybe it was all of the above?

This was his third attempt at trying to open his apartment door, his hands were shaking so much that he couldn't keep it still long enough to get the key in the hole. Gaara, having figured that his constant repeat of inticing actions were becoming tedious, took the keys from the blonde's shaky hands and unlocked the door himself. It took him a matter of seconds to open the door, throw the keys, along with all the miscellanious keychains, across the room and close the door again.

"Kiss me." Gaara demanded in a devilish voice. Naruto stood wide eyed,, everything had gone by so fast, he felt dizzy.

"W-what?" He slurred. Gaara rolled his eyes, maybe that rumor about blondes was true. He grabbed the taller males shoulders and pulled Naruto towards his own body which was against the door. Naruto had no idea that a little scrawny, all be it sexy, guy could have this much strength inside those tiny little arms. He felt chapped lips cover his own, a little roughly since he felt his jaw bang harshly against Gaara's. As soon as he managed to get the right pressure, direction and rythm going, he was in the midst of a steamy make-out session.

The tattooed red head made a grab for Naruto's spiky golden locks, but big calloused hands grabbed his wrists and stopped the action. Naruto shook his head in a 'no, no' fashion, indicating that Gaara wasn't to do try that one again. Gaara's left eyebrow rose, although he didn't have eybrows since his older brother shaved them off when he was five and they didn't bother growing back, you could still tell that he was doing it.

He shrugged it off and continued wit his heavy make-out-ing with Naruto. Soon thoguh, it turned from tongues to touches and clothes were being removed. Although Naruto had a sexy red-head grinding his perfecty working erection into Naruto's hips, he felt nothing, not even a twitch! He sharply broke away from Gaara's moist and bruised lips.

"Excuse me, just a moment!" He chuckled nervously, Gaara gave him a strange look but didn't have time to ask any questions as Naruto had bolted from the room.

The blonde ran down his small hallway, only left in his jogging pants which were hanging incredibly low that they could slip down at any second, he passed the spare bedroom and into the bathroom. His pants and boxers were thrown down his legs so fast he feared he caused himself friction burn. He scrunched his eyes closed, not wanting to see what he knew to be there, but it had to be done. He slowly opened his blue eyes and looked down to the organ, his pride and joy, pian in the ass as of recent, between his legs.

"Aaaaaaaaah! Ugh! God..! You...You...You suck! You hear me? Yeah, I said it, you suck!" He yelled when he saw his limp penis just kind of dangling there as if he hadn't just had a sexy man touching him.

Gaara sat on the couch, he had removed his working pants and boxers, he was going to end up naked anyway, he figured.

_"Aaaaaaaaah! Ugh! God..! You...You...You suck! You hear me? Yeah, I said it, you suck!" _He heard Naruto's voice coming from down the hallway. He stood, fully exposed, hey! He was sexy so he had a right to show it off with pride, and made a beeline for Naruto's voice.

_"You suck so much! Yeah, you little punk! I'll teach __**you **__to suck!" _He heard the blonde declare, did Naruto have someone else in there? It sure sounded like it. Maybe Naruto was a player? Maybe Gaara just didn't satisfy his needs. The panda-eyed male, showed very little emotion any time but right now you could see the little slither of sadness that had etched his pretty pale face. He slowly walked back to the livingroom, which was in dishevell and put his clothes back on. He done it so quick and silent that Naruto hadn't heard him, he also hadn't heard the clicking of his apartment door being closed.

_**I know it's short! Been busy I guess, with work and other little random things -.-"**_

_**The next chapter will be better & longer, I promise! ^-^**_

_**~Hiromi over and out 3**_


	8. The Little Blue Pill

_**A/N: Oh my goodness ! How long has it been ? Too long I tell you ! I am so sorry guys ! I honestly am the worst person ever *hangs head in shame* Promise I will never leave you all without for this long EVER again ! 3 **_

_**Summary: Naruto just can't seem to get it "up" anymore. He's been from porn to prostitutes but nothing works. Maybe the new range of sex dolls can get the job done.**_

_**Warnings: Yaoi, Masturbation, sex doll use and swearing.**_

_**Pairings: NaruSasu, ItaKyuu, slight NaruGaa & NaruIno, KibaHina, SasoDei, KakaIru (Maybe more haven't decided yet)**_

_**Note: Naruto (19) Sasuke (19) **_

_**Title: Sex Doll Sasuke**_

_**Chapter 8: The Little Blue Pill**_

"Okay little fella' are you going to behave? Play nice with Gaaa? Hmm?"...Ofcourse his penis did not answer him. Naruto sighed, he had to run from the room and Gaara like his pubes were on fire and give his penis a good ol' fashioned talking to. He pulled his boxers and trousers back up and flushed the toilet, even though he hadn't used it, just to make it seem like he had. He left the bathroom and stepped into the livingroom...

No sign of the red head. Maybe he went into the bedroom? He checked, nope, no Gaara.

"Gaara!" He called out incase the cheeky little panda eyed male decided it would be fun to have a game of hide and seek. Hehe, no such luck, looks like he had scared him away. Damn, he was so close too! If it hadn't been for his medling penis!

Naruto groaned loudly and threw himself onto the couch with a thud, his head thudded painfully against the arm rest but he didn't care. He lazily grabbed the remote and flicked the t.v on, it was on some health channel, he didn't bother to change it since he wasn't paying too much attention to it.

_"One in four males suffer from erectile disfunction. Are you one of them? Want to get your love and sex life back on track? Then don't hesitate to call and purchase Viagra, at five dollars for five pills, it's great value for money!"_

Naruto turned his head sharply towards the t.v...Viagra, why hadn't he thought of that before? God he could be so dumb sometimes! He picked up his telephone and dialed the number on the screen.

_"Hello you've reached the Viagra sales hotline, please listen closely and choose one of the following options;_

_If you are calling to buy a five dollar bag, press one._

_If you are calling for a ten dollar bag, press two_

_If you have any questions, please press three._

Naruto pressed number one and listened as the line rung.

_"Hello, my name is Cathy, you've selected the five dollar deal, now I'll need to take a few details. What is your full name please."_

_"Uzumaki Naruto." He answered._

_"That's lovely, Now your full adress and phone number please."_

Naruto gave her all of his details.

_"That's lovely, now just type your credit card number using the number keys on your phone."_ Cathy instructed. Naruto typed in the numbers, knowing them from memory. He placed the phone back to his ear.

_"Your payment has been accepted, please allow two to three working days for delivery. Thank you and have a nice day." _The line died as Cathy hung up on him. Naruto smiled, he may have just solved his problem, although the thought of having to use viagra to get it up at only 19 actually killed him inside.

"...Waaaaaaaah~! I'm only nineteen! I'm nineteen and my dick's dead!" The blonde yelled frantically while pulling at his spikey hair. He stood from the couch and began pacing his small apartment livingroom. He wanted to be a daddy one day, get married and all that stuff. He couldn't do that if his dick didn't have the decency to actually put an effort into being 'awake' when he had guests!

Maybe things won't be so bad...He'll just sit patiently for two days until his Viagra comes, then he'll be dandy. Yeah, he could wait patiently, no problem. He removed his shaking hands from his hair and placed his worried ass back on the couch. His leg tapped as he waited and waited for his damn Viagra to arrive. Couldn't take that long surely, two days Cathy had said it would take and it's already been...

...Seven minutes. See? Wouldn't be long at all...

"Damn you! Hurry the fuck up!"

"Dude, stop yelling! I've ran out of painkillers to cure the headaches you give me!" Kiba yelled from his apartment.

"Damn you, hurry the fuck up." Naruto whispered.

_**Hey you sexy mother fuckers, now that I've complemented you none of you guys can hurt me for not updating in so long ^-^ I am honestly so sorry! I just...I just...Can't think of an excuse right now...Let me get back to you on that one :)!**_


	9. UPDATE

**_IF YOU FOLLOW THIS STORY OR ANY OF MY OTHERS THEN PLEASE LOOK FOR THE PROFILE - KAZAN FUNKA - I WILL BE MOVING ALL OF MY STORIES THERE! THIS IS A MAJOR OVERHAUL AND YOU ARE ALL WELCOME! DROP ME A MESSAGE IF YOU LIKE! I HAVEN'T SPOKE TO MOST OF YOU IN A WHILE, I MISS YOU GUYS! REMEMBER, I'LL ONLY REPLY FROM THE PROFILE;_**

**_KAZAN FUNKA_**


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